Emptiness

I've been thinking a lot about Grandpa Smith today, both happy and anxious for him to get to heaven soon and also sad to see him suffering so much. From what mom says, he's not going to live through the night. I can't imagine what he must be feeling knowing that he's going to go to sleep soon and when he wakes up he's going to be with Jesus.

What must that be like to know you're almost there?

I'm so excited for him, so sorrowful for mom to have to live with the sadness of losing her daddy, but so, so, so thankful that mom made it to Laceyville in time to hold his hand while he dies. I'm so thankful that she's there to help him while he travels.

I work every day with girls who are chasing everything that they think will fill them, make them happy, and give them joy. I spend so much energy trying to convince them from God's word that Jesus is the only thing that will satisfy, fill, and give joy. Then I spend a ton of energy teaching new believers that faithfulness is one of the fruits of the Spirit working in you and that fruit means that you're in this for the long haul. You're not in the battle for temporary wins. You're in this to win the war.

I think about my grandpa and think about what it will be like for me to turn 80 one day and look back on a life of faithfulness. He's not perfect. No one is, but he has been faithful. Sold out and faithful.

These bodies are so stupid. So fragile and so ridiculous. So cursed by sin and messed up. I can't imagine thinking that this is all there is to life. That all I get is this one life and this one body that's so ridiculously falling apart. All around me are people who think the temporal is all there is. They totally miss the bigger picture. The beauty of the broader plan, of which this life is only the start.

In class at work we studied the concepts from Jeremiah 2:5 and II Kings 17:15 and discussed how God had given the Israelites everything they need, but they continually strayed (quickly and constantly) from the God who satisfies to chase the things that made them empty and vain.

Jeremiah 2:5 Thus says the LORD, "What injustice did your fathers find in Me, That they went far from Me And walked after emptiness and became empty?

II Kings 17:15 They rejected His statutes and His covenant which He made with their fathers and His warnings with which He warned them And they followed vanity and became vain, and went after the nations which surrounded them, concerning which the LORD had commanded them not to do like them.

I want my kids to be able to look back on my life and see footprints of faithfulness. I want them to hold my hand while I'm dying and be happy for me to go to heaven.

I know Grandpa would FLIP out if I played this song for him, since I'd imagine he's not one given to enjoying rap, which in my opinion is what I'll be listening to as I step into heaven :-). Nevertheless, I was enjoying this song. It's all about Freedom. So many people search from freedom in a million different places that all lead to emptiness.

Grandpa's going to be experiencing real freedom before too long. Freedom from a sin cursed body. Freedom from a situation that seems so contrary to God's will in my opinion. Freedom from disease and sadness and longing. Freedom from everything contrary to what it's going to be like in a couple of hours for him when he finally gets to see Jesus and hang out with Grandma again.

Maybe he'll get to hear some of my rap up there.

Tuesday Fun Night

We all decided that we needed a little chocolate tonight. Yummy! Brownies!

We were going to practice soccer tonight but we felt brownies were more important!

SG's special dress

We have a SPECIAL dress given to us by a SPECIAL cousin, SG. It's made it through three individuals now, and being a white dress, it is remarkably still intact and spot free. We thought SG might enjoy getting to see her lovely dress on this lovely little girl. Nevermind the ugly crocs on her tiny little feet. I've given up on trying to get the little girls with big feet issues to wear anything else. If they ever outlaw them from the school dress code I'm going to be in BIG trouble.

And here's our bountiful garden harvest. This is the world's smallest cherry tomato. Hailey was very proud of its tinyness.

Soccer Day

Meeting Coach Casey.

Waiting to get subbed in.

We had a great day watching Hailey play her first soccer game. She even scored a goal, which was really remarkable because it came off an assist from one of her little best friends, Kiara. It was also remarkable because it came after Hailey started the game by kicking the ball (very eloquently and efficiently) the whole way down the field toward the wrong goal. After she got straightened out, she did amazing. She is fast as lightning. Go Blue Rockets!

Shelby also had fun playing with daddy (who took some time off work to come watch Hailey) in between the four million trips to the bathroom. I love potty training a constipated baby.

After game snacks with Shelby and Kiara. We're in charge of snacks for next week.

Daddy's birthday

Today is daddy's birthday. I was DETERMINED to not forget it this year, since I did last year, because I'm so lame! So we celebrated by making daddy some birthday cards, which apparently Hailey feels is especially honorable, since she told me it would be soooooo wonderful if I would make HER a birthday card next year instead of buying one.

Then while making the birthday cards at 7:30 pm on Saturday night I realized there were no birthday presents, so we ran to the store late at night and bought a case of Dr. Pepper (always a hit) and a Sudoku electronic game. Brian has this thing against birthday presents in general, so those were fabulous.

Enjoying daddy's birthday breakfast.


Hailey reminded me several times today that now daddy is 31 just like me. Nothing like having it announced!

The day turned out to be not so hot, due to the late night shopping. The lack of sleep majorly disoriented the smaller individuals in our family and thus resulted in MANY time outs, which thus resulted in early bedtime, which thus resulted in screaming and crying, which thus resulted in early bedtime tomorrow night too per our families early bedtime policies and procedures. Ahh consequences. You gotta love 'em.

Happy Birthday, Daddy! Don't forget. You're 31 now too.

Good Evening!

We just got back from a really fun evening with the VOH girls and our sweet friends the Opperman family. I never know how to pluralize their name - is the Oppermen or the Oppermans. Anyway, we had a great time.

Even some of the VOH girls who've decided to be surly for the last week gave it up and had a great time (against their greatest efforts otherwise). :-)

We had a little cake for Brian's birthday. This is his second birthday cake this week and his birthday isn't even until Sunday (because I'm determined not to forget his birthday this year like I did last year.)

And I won both games that I played! And I played with Brian, who's on a bowling league! Can you believe my luck?

Hailey and Shelby had so much fun. They love the VOH girls. Their love is so pure and unadulterated. They just love them, and love them, and love them. Even if the big girls are being stinker-tushes. Hailey and Shelby don't even realize it. They just think they're the greatest things since sliced bread. It reminds me to not let my momentary frustration with the VOH girls mouthiness / moodiness / drama / (take your pick of adjectives) impede my willingness to love them like Jesus would love them - pure and unadulterated!

Loving is so hard sometimes. It is soooo not an emotional thing. It's more like the hardest most disciplined thing I can do - to love like Jesus does.

Spiritual Warfare

Things are pretty rough right now at work, so I've not really felt like posting much lately. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, but it feels like warfare. I've been listening to this song a lot lately, because it sums up my feelings. Be prepared - it's a pretty intense song. (You can either click on the title of this post or right click "song" and open it in a new window.)