Emptiness

I've been thinking a lot about Grandpa Smith today, both happy and anxious for him to get to heaven soon and also sad to see him suffering so much. From what mom says, he's not going to live through the night. I can't imagine what he must be feeling knowing that he's going to go to sleep soon and when he wakes up he's going to be with Jesus.

What must that be like to know you're almost there?

I'm so excited for him, so sorrowful for mom to have to live with the sadness of losing her daddy, but so, so, so thankful that mom made it to Laceyville in time to hold his hand while he dies. I'm so thankful that she's there to help him while he travels.

I work every day with girls who are chasing everything that they think will fill them, make them happy, and give them joy. I spend so much energy trying to convince them from God's word that Jesus is the only thing that will satisfy, fill, and give joy. Then I spend a ton of energy teaching new believers that faithfulness is one of the fruits of the Spirit working in you and that fruit means that you're in this for the long haul. You're not in the battle for temporary wins. You're in this to win the war.

I think about my grandpa and think about what it will be like for me to turn 80 one day and look back on a life of faithfulness. He's not perfect. No one is, but he has been faithful. Sold out and faithful.

These bodies are so stupid. So fragile and so ridiculous. So cursed by sin and messed up. I can't imagine thinking that this is all there is to life. That all I get is this one life and this one body that's so ridiculously falling apart. All around me are people who think the temporal is all there is. They totally miss the bigger picture. The beauty of the broader plan, of which this life is only the start.

In class at work we studied the concepts from Jeremiah 2:5 and II Kings 17:15 and discussed how God had given the Israelites everything they need, but they continually strayed (quickly and constantly) from the God who satisfies to chase the things that made them empty and vain.

Jeremiah 2:5 Thus says the LORD, "What injustice did your fathers find in Me, That they went far from Me And walked after emptiness and became empty?

II Kings 17:15 They rejected His statutes and His covenant which He made with their fathers and His warnings with which He warned them And they followed vanity and became vain, and went after the nations which surrounded them, concerning which the LORD had commanded them not to do like them.

I want my kids to be able to look back on my life and see footprints of faithfulness. I want them to hold my hand while I'm dying and be happy for me to go to heaven.

I know Grandpa would FLIP out if I played this song for him, since I'd imagine he's not one given to enjoying rap, which in my opinion is what I'll be listening to as I step into heaven :-). Nevertheless, I was enjoying this song. It's all about Freedom. So many people search from freedom in a million different places that all lead to emptiness.

Grandpa's going to be experiencing real freedom before too long. Freedom from a sin cursed body. Freedom from a situation that seems so contrary to God's will in my opinion. Freedom from disease and sadness and longing. Freedom from everything contrary to what it's going to be like in a couple of hours for him when he finally gets to see Jesus and hang out with Grandma again.

Maybe he'll get to hear some of my rap up there.